did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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