So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
