you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
