We named our party play list daddy issues
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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