Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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