I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
