You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
