Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
