Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
