Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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