You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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