the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
