He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
