just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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