someone get that fucking seahorse.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
