ya dads aren't the best wingmen
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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