i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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