I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's blow job season.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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