are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the raccoons are back...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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