We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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