Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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