after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
