The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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