I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my shit smells like andre
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
