I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
