I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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