I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
