is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
