yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
