so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
