He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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