New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
