non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
where does the pee come out of this thing
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
