A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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