Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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