so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
