i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
