Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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