I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Houston, we have a squirter
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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