Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
