Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
