what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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