Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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