Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
