nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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