We're facebook friends in real life
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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