I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
