Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
