I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
