yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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