just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
