I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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