Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
