it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
